Living life on-call doesn't always make it easy to plan birthday parties. Births can happen anytime, including birthdays and holidays. My kids are used to family dinners where mom's been called to a birth, or which are rescheduled at the last minute. When my son turned 7 in June, I was called to a birth during his family birthday dinner! But birthday parties with lots of kids are not so easily rescheduled.

I go off call for special occasions, and my kids' birthday parties are one of those occasions. I make sure to book my back-up doula weeks (if not months) in advance, and I tell clients if I have any time booked off within two weeks of their due date.

But sometimes I just happen to have a break in my birth schedule, when I can spend some time off call before my next client is due. In August, I realized I had two weeks off call in early September, so I decided to undertake a large gathering for a combined birthday party for both of my younger kids.

Kids with birthdays in June and September don't often have a shared party, and this was their first. I wasn't always a fan of shared birthday parties, and I hoped it would go more smoothly than my own 6th birthday went for my mom and dad. There is a picture of me sulking in the corner when I refused to blow out candles with my sister on our shared birthday cake.

My daughter turned 10 over Labour Day weekend, but Labour Day is never good for kid-parties, and so we chose September 10th as the date for a mega-spectacular-super-dee-duper-sleepover-extraordinaire.

When I mentioned my brilliant (and frugal) idea to a friend, she said, “Yeah, but it will cost you in sanity points!” Hmmm. Perhaps I hadn't thought this through. But wait … many years ago, when my eldest turned 8, I hosted a sleepover of 8 boys … ooohhh … right. Was that so bad? Is that why so many years had gone by since my last sleepover? I couldn't remember. Maybe sleepovers are like childbirth: people forget the pain of labour and the intense period of adjusting to their newborn, and have more kids. I wasn't sure, but I knew that:

1. I can do anything for 24 hours;

2. kids love sleepovers;

3. I only had to provide cake, popcorn, a movie and a pancake breakfast … as kid parties go, a pretty low cost for a big payoff.

And I had sanity points to spare! The invitations went out via email, facebook and phone calls.

We initially invited 14 kids. I know, what? But there would surely be a few who couldn't make it, and indeed, around 7pm one Saturday night, 10 kids began arriving at my three-bedroom townhouse.

They snacked on hummus, baby carrots, crackers, tortilla chips and salsa. There was no Main Present Event: my kids opened presents as they arrived, their full attention on each giver. By 8pm all the guests had arrived, and I lit the candles on the store bought ice-cream cake. (I made almond milk ice-cream cupcakes for the vegan kids: no need to leave out the ones who don't eat animal products. In fact, it's usually cheaper to cook that way for everyone!) We sang Happy Birthday, and my two kids happily blew the candles out together.

Sugary cake brought up the energy quite a bit, and I decided “dark-park-play” was in order. We walked about two blocks to a park near our home … or rather, raced down the sidewalk on a bee-line to the swings, as passers-by turned their heads and laughed. The energy from the cake fed about 30 minutes of frenetic play.

The kids dealt with all their own disagreements. In a pick-up game of follow-the-leader, each of the four boys took turns leading without any direction from me. As my partner and I stood under the full moon, watching, I wondered aloud why so many had said, “Wow, 12 kids … you're brave!” What was so hard about this, I asked?

“You don't micromanage," suggested my partner. "Perhaps that reduces stress?”

It's true. I don't micromanage the kids. If they aren't having fun, I check in and make sure they aren't being hurt or ganged up on, but for the most part, I let everyone fend for themselves. Thankfully there didn't seem to be any bullying. No one was happy 100% of the time, but no one person was sad and dejected the whole time either. There were peaks and valleys for each of the kids and they each negotiated their path on their own. I like to think they knew and trusted I was available as a resource should they need help.

I did another head count. 12. All accounted for.

After the walk home, we turned on the TV to watch Pirates of the Caribbean. It's old enough that some of the kids hadn't seen it, and really, who doesn't love pirates? I served kettle corn midway through the movie (again, cheap, home-made and vegan!), and the kids drifted in and out between the movie and games downstairs. One child's mom was concerned he wouldn't want to watch the film, but he was one of the three who made it all the way through!

After the movie ended, around 12:30am, the four boys were ready for bed. I found several girls in the washroom, drawing on each others' faces with washable markers and looking very guilty. (“Hmm, looks like fun,” I muttered, shrugged, and went back into my room.) The boys bunked down on the floor of my son's room, and the girls started singing to one another in my daughter's. At one point I heard them encouraging one another and urging, “Don't worry, we won't judge you.” What an awesome group of kids!!!

My partner and I lay in bed and played Scrabble back and forth on facebook. She read to me a bit (a regular bedtime ritual) and eventually I couldn't stay awake. The party had started to die down, and we went to sleep around 1:30am. I heard later some of the kids were up until 4:30am.

At ten to eight, BRRRRRIIIIINGGGGGG went my alarm, and, I admit, it was hard to pull myself out of bed. In the living room, I found six kids already awake — and hungry! After a quick grocery trip (my partner stayed with the kids), I made vegan pancakes and sausages.

By 11:30am all of the children went home. My partner washed the dishes, and my kids vacuumed their rooms and took out the garbage and recycling. I vacuumed the couch and living room, and started a load of laundry.

It's now four hours since the last guest left. My house is clean, my kids have just finished a second piece of birthday cake and I'm now thinking a Sunday nap might be in order. The party cost me 40 dollars above and beyond what was already in my pantry, and as for my parenting sanity points? Well, I don't think I used more than on any other day.

So what's next?

I'm taking three University courses this term to finish up my pre-Midwifery requirements. Even so, my doula calendar has room for two more clients between now and late November, plus 1 slot in December, 2 in January, 3 in February and 2 in March. I'm wide open for spring!

If you're pregnant and thinking about hiring a doula, the earlier you start looking, the more options you have. Many experienced doulas are booked months in advance.

It's rare for clients to hire me in their first trimester, but it does happen. More often I hear from women who are due two, three or four months ahead of time. However, even if you've left the doula decision to the last few weeks, or if you've only recently heard about doulas, it is probably not too late to call around and find the doula for you.

The best place to start your last minute doula search is doulamatch.net. If you've got a bit more time, check with your care provider and ask your friends and family who have used doulas for their recommendations.

About a year ago I received a call from a woman due in about two weeks time. I had last minute client space available in my calendar, and so we agreed to meet for an interview in two days to see if my doula services were a fit for her. It's important to meet your potential doula face to face to make sure you'll share good rapport!

The next day, as my kids and I were enjoying a treat from Dairy Queen, I received a call from the same woman, now in labour. Would I meet her at the hospital? She knew she wanted to hire me and was prepared to pay my full fee on arrival at her birth. As I was available and have reliable on-call childcare, I quickly arranged for the care of my kids and was able to join the birthing mama about three hours later. That evening, a beautiful baby girl was born to a well supported mama.

Fortunately, although we didn't get to meet in person before she went into labour, this client and I did share a fairly lengthy phone conversation. Any doula is better able to provide individualized, unique care if she has the opportunity to meet you and your partner at least once prenatally. Contacting doulas a few months before your due date gives you plenty of time to find and interview the right doula, and schedule one or more prenatal visits. If you're pregnant, the best time to start looking for a doula is right now.

What are you waiting for?

Favourites and Foibles

finding balance in my work by honouring favoured moments and acknowledging challenges

Favourite #1 Cooking.

I love my job.  I don't know a single doula who doesn't. 

While any doula worth her salt knows a main ingredient in doing her job well is leaving her ego at the door, we all have favourite slices from each and every birth.   A hobby that feeds my soul outside of my job is cooking nourishing and delicious meals for myself, family and friends. Births at which I'm also able to prepare a meal for the newborn family are an extra tasty treat.

Imagine if you will:

It's an hour or two after you've given birth at home after a well supported, but long labour. You're on a trip to the washroom for a quick shower, while your partner provides your new little bundle some skin-to-skin warmth.  Your doula (ahem...that's me :) ) has tidied, started some laundry and is in the kitchen preparing a delicious, sustaining meal.

As you climb back into bed and cuddle up with your partner and your precious, smells-better-than-anything baby, you are transported to the land of newborn wonder. This land has no sense of time, but sooner or later, your stomach lets you know you are hungry. Lucky you, you had the brilliance to hire a doula who knows very well your need for a meal and your complete and total lack of motivation to cook. We've talked about your preferences and dietary restrictions beforehand, so you know that the amazing smell of a home-cooked meal wafting from the kitchen is, indeed, something you'll like and can eat. You just had a baby! Your baby! Not having to cook is just icing on the cake.

Hungry?

Good. Enjoy this tasty frittata on me.

Garden Vegetable Frittata

Serves 4-6

Ingredients:

8 eggs

2 tablespoons ½ and ½

¼ cup diced onion

3 cloves of garlic, minced

1 small zucchini, diced (spinach or kale can be substituted)

splash of white wine to deglaze pan

6-8 cherry tomatoes, halved

1 tablespoon shredded parmesan cheese

1-2 tablespoons fresh, minced herbs (I used parsley and basil)

8 mini bocconcini, halved

Directions:

1. Preheat oven broiler to 400F.

2. Beat eggs gently in a bowl; add ½ & ½; set aside.

3. Saute onion, garlic and zucchini in a frying pan on medium high heat until softened.

4. Deglaze pan with splash of white wine.

5. Add beaten eggs, parmesan, tomatoes and herbs until just set.

6. Add halved bocconcini about the pan.

7. Finish frittata under the broiler until completely set and starting to brown.

8. Serve in wedges. My kids call it “egg pizza.”